Interrogation Transcript of Bopko

Interrogator: Bopko, you are here to give testimony of your eye witness account on the day the Scourges of Xymor came to your escaped Derro settlement.

Bopko: 4, 5, 6, 7! I was there! I saw it all because I was there!

Interrogator: Then give us your testimony. But be aware that if you lie, your execution will be painful.

Bopko: No, no. I was there. I was. I saw it all. I won’t lie. 4, 5, 6, 7. I saw the Scourges of Xymor. I first saw them kill the great and powerful red dragon and slay the mistress of flame.

Interrogator: Yes, we are aware of what happened before. But what happened the next day?

Bopko: 4, 5, 6, 7. We ran and hid. We ran and returned. We ran and made wall for kingdom. If they came, they would not find magic wall we built.

Interrogator: Magic wall?

Bopko: Magic wall. Poopycock had pet – Peepee, a gigantic spider. Peepee was Poopycock’s pet. Peepee guarded wall. But we thought the fire lizards would get them. We did! We did!

Interrogator: But if these murderers killed a red dragon, what chance did salamanders have?

Bopko: 4, 5, 6, 7. Fire lizards are more powerful than dragons. Dragon weak. Fire lizards mate. Dragon no mate.

Interrogator: Whatever. Now, before we continue, you must stop repeating those numbers. If you say those numbers again, I will personally have you flayed and keep you alive for a week. Understand? Good. Now, continue.

Bopko: Killers killed fire lizards. The big bear ate them all.

Interrogator: Big bear?

Bopko: There was a big bear. He ate all the fire lizards and their eggs. I got mad. Fire lizard eggs are tasty and big bear didn’t care to share. Sharing is caring and big bear not a care bear.

Interrogator: So this bear savaged a group of salamanders and ate their eggs. Scribe, please note that the Scourges of Xymor have a pet bear. So, Bopko, what happened after they killed the salamanders?

Bopko: They found wall. They destroyed wall.

Interrogator: But you said it was magic.

Bopko: It was. Magic made rocks fall on intruders; bury them and kill them.

Interrogator: So how did they destroy it?

Bopko: Magic stick. Dark Lady Devil Tongue Witch used magic stick and destroyed wall with sorcery missiles.

Interrogator: I see. Dark Lady? Scribe, please annotate all references of Dark Lady as Arien-gil Bihari. Continue.

Bopko: Poopycock’s gigantic spider held them at bay. Peepee scared them. But they did not want to fight. Dark Lady Devil Tongue Witch says they want to talk. She says they killed great red dragon for us. She says they want to serve us. She says they want to help us conquer Shukalgau. But they had to get permission from Baby Graki Nanny.

Interrogator: This Baby Graki Nanny was your king?

Bopko: Not king, but nanny – Baby Graki Nanny.

Interrogator: Okay, fine. Nanny. Scribe, please note the leadership role of Baby Graki Nanny. So, this Baby Graki Nanny believed them and allowed them entrance?

Bopko: No. Baby Graki Nanny had to do test first.

Interrogator: Test?

Bopko: Test Scourges of Xymor; test if they were worthy. They were not worthy. They murdered…

Interrogator: Bopko, you’re getting ahead of yourself. Tell us what happened before the murders.

Bopko: Baby Graki Nanny let them in. Maybe Baby Graki Nanny was not worthy. But he let them in. But big bear couldn’t fit in. Big Bear, not a care bear, had a big butt. He couldn’t fit.

Interrogator: What happened to this big bear?

Bopko: Big Bear with big butt who ate all the fire lizard eggs and not care to share, turned back into little big man with big butt.

Interrogator: Wait. So that bear wasn’t a pet. It was a shape shifter. And by your description, it sounds like it was Flint Ironfist, the stone dwarf. Scribe, please note that Flint can polymorph. And please make sure General Commander Ragnor Cane knows of this. He would be very interested in learning that Flint Ironfist is now able to polymorph. Anyway, continue.

Bopko: Who is General Commander Ragnor Pain?

Interrogator: Ragnor Cane. And that is not your concern. Now, as you were saying, Flint changed back into his dwarf form…

Bopko: Yes, Fisty of big bear, big butt turned into little big man with big butt. But Fisty was able to squeeze through wall even with big butt.

Interrogator: Yes, yes. What happened next? They approached Baby Graki Nanny, correct? Then what?

Bopko: Baby Graki test.

Interrogator: Baby Graki test? What was this test?

Bopko: Baby Graki Nanny carries Baby Graki and gives test.

Interrogator: Wait. Baby Graki was an actual baby?

Bopko: Baby Graki – big baby, but not have big butt like…

Interrogator: Enough with the big butt! Who or what was Baby Graki?

Bopko: Baby Graki Nanny carries Baby Graki in baby crib.

Interrogator: Crib? He carried a baby around in a baby crib?

Bopko: Yes. Doesn’t everyone? Baby Graki in tiny cage on a stick – crib.

Interrogator: Wait. What?

Bopko: Baby Graki lived in tiny cage – plays, eats, and poops in cage on stick. Baby Graki in crib.

Interrogator: But that’s not a… Okay, whatever. So they approach Baby Graki Nanny and Baby Graki who’s in a cage.

Bopko: Crib.

Interrogator: Crib. What happened next?

Bopko: Scourges of Xymor stood before Baby Graki Nany and he shakes Baby Graki.

Interrogator: He shakes the baby?

Bopko: Baby shake and Baby Graki does test.

Interrogator: How?

Bopko: Baby Graki reads head. Test.

Interrogator: But it’s just a baby. How can it read minds?

Bopko: Because Baby Graki is Baby Graki.

Interrogator: Okay, okay. The baby reads minds. What then?

Bopko: Dark Lady Devil Tongue Witch passes test. She had a devil’s tongue and cheats test.

Interrogator: What happened to the others when Baby Graki read their minds?

Bopko: The Great Evil One…

Interrogator: Who?

Bopko: You know – The Great Evil one.

Interrogator: Describe him.

Bopko: Human. Balding. Beard. Holy man.

Interrogator: Scribe, please note the identity of Craven.

Bopko: The Great Evil One tricks Baby Graki and passes test.

Interrogator: And the others?

Bopko: Fisty, the big butt, fails. I saw it. He was not worthy. No, no. He passed. Big butt passes. He saw the evil of The Great Evil One. He tried to kill The Great Evil One. He kills The Great Evil One’s bird.

Interrogator: So Baby Graki entered Flint’s mind and Flint attacked Craven?

Bopko: Yes, but The Great Evil One fools Fisty and Baby Graki can’t show truth anymore. Fisty goes back to what he was before and becomes slave to The Great Evil One.

Interrogator: And Nolofinwe Tasartir?

Bopko: Woody? He fails. He dumb. He drools.

Interrogator: Scribe, note that name. And Samir bin Mu’adh al-Talib?

Bopko: Who?

Interrogator: Samir, the shadow warrior.

Bopko: Oh, the forgettable one. I don’t remember. I forget if he passed or failed. He was forgettable.

Interrogator: So Baby Graki was manipulating their minds.

Bopko: Yes, yes. And the Dark Lady Devil Tongue Witch stakes a banner flag in the ground. A wave of magic everywhere. The Great Evil One…

Interrogator: Yes? And?

Bopko: The Great Evil One killed Baby Graki!!

Interrogator: So it was Craven?

Bopko: The Great Evil one cast spell – death spell. Baby Graki melts.

Interrogator: Melts? Like a fire spell?

Bopko: No. Shrivels. Crumbles. Folds. Blighted. The Great Evil One killed Baby Graki!

Interrogator: So Craven, The Great Evil One, murdered Baby Graki. It was Craven who started the fight?

Bopko: The Great Evil One murdered Baby Graki!

Interrogator: And then what happened?

Bopko: Long Horny kills Poopycock.

Interrogator: Wait. Long Horny?

Bopko: Yes, Long Horny – a demon man.

Interrogator: A demon man. We don’t have any records on a sixth member. Who was this demon man?

Bopko: Long Horny. He was with them when they came. He said we crazy. He said not to trust us. He was a demon man.

Interrogator: Scribe, make sure you note that. So this demon man, Long Horny, attacks. But Craven attacked first, correct?

Bopko: And Fisty attacked too. He jumped in front of Baby Graki Nanny. Fisty was fast as lightning. Fisty came a-fisting, fisting his flaming sword in his fist and fisted right into Baby Graki Nanny.

Interrogator: So the fight commenced. Continue.

Bopko: 4, 5, 6, 7…



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